I cannot find my penis.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
