Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
