My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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