What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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