I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
