I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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