if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
