sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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