when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
one might say we're banned from that church
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
