what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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