arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
