So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
