Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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