This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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