Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
