it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Everything about him screamed your future.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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