I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
