You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
