I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
