we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
