I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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