a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
