Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
