How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Randomize
