i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
