i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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