somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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