My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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