The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
