i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm really busy with my period
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