For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
