i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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