listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
