I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
