Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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