i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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