we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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