Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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