Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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