I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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