He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
