when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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