i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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