if you like me you must not know who I am
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't deserve a penis
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
