I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
