You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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