Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
