So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
