benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize