no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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