This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
