I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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