Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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