Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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