You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
