It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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