My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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