Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
