we're blogging at a bar
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
