just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
