It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
