just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize