im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
